Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
