If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.