We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
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i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
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Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.