Texts From Last Night

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  (563): View more from Iowa

  How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?

  (1-563): View more from Iowa

  The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?

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  (563): How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence? (1-563): The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them? http://tfl.nu/0g65
  Replies (46) Good night (2848) Bad night (1227)
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  (916): View more from California

  I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night

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  (916): I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night http://tfl.nu/fggv
  Replies (33) Good night (1413) Bad night (4976)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.

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  (518): i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good. http://tfl.nu/b46x
  Replies (44) Good night (10102) Bad night (715)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop

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  (514): ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop http://tfl.nu/2wez
  Replies (21) Good night (6526) Bad night (1106)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.

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  (215): I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked. http://tfl.nu/a12i
  Replies (9) Good night (4876) Bad night (939)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.

  (925): View more from California

  "half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.

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  (541): mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up. (925): "half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking. http://tfl.nu/v25q
  Replies (3) Good night (2896) Bad night (908)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis

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  (828): Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis http://tfl.nu/fz5v
  Replies (6) Good night (6064) Bad night (891)
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  (909): View more from California

  My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.

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  (909): My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up. http://tfl.nu/4jl3
  Replies (5) Good night (2574) Bad night (1488)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.

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  (314): I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate. http://tfl.nu/fw6h
  Replies (12) Good night (2704) Bad night (994)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.

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  (904): You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition. http://tfl.nu/ww1r
  Replies (9) Good night (2010) Bad night (686)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.

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  (407): I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by. http://tfl.nu/944n
  Replies (10) Good night (576) Bad night (1346)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic

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  (862): woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic http://tfl.nu/zfxf
  Replies (5) Good night (2294) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today

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  (512): I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today http://tfl.nu/x2es
  Replies (9) Good night (998) Bad night (543)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done

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  (405): I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done http://tfl.nu/3aup
  Replies (5) Good night (1008) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.

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  (360): I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top. http://tfl.nu/zeve
  Replies (11) Good night (919) Bad night (390)

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