By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
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just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™