if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldnâ€™t Be More Proud
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit