Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.