oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
