woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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