i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
