i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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