how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
