i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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