in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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