phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
