Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
