Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
