I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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