In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
