I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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