I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
