I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize