Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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