My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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