jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
