Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
