Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
