So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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