Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
