I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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