i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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