Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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