Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
