is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
