I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
