Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
