she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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