yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
