Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
