so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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