Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
