"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.