You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after