Just fell off a train. Bad.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.