this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
