I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just had sex on a roof
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
