i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
