we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
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We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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