before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
