You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
