You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
