a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
