would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
