Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
