Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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