what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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