I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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