You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
