pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
