great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
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So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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