WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
