His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize