Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
