I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
