dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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