Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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